It is just the way it is for some couples. After a while they can’t feel their partner. They don’t feel loved and actually believe their partner doesn’t care about them. They feel like just roommates, two ships passing in the night. Others don’t even see each other at night! They spend so little quality time together that they forget to show up to their relationship!
This is a huge phenomenon in relationships. I see this day in and out in my practice. Couples complain that they are stagnant, bored, deprived, running on empty, alone, lonely, and just plain disconnected. People get so busy in their routines and their lot in life that they forget to actually live their life and be in relationship!
I have seen couples do funny things with their schedules, routines, and responsibilities so that they have very little wiggle way to find mutual time. These couples run from one activity, event, engagement, responsibility to the next and collapse at the end of their day leaving no time or energy to being fully engaged with their partner. And, then they wonder how come they can’t feel their partner!
We need to be available to ourselves and our partner in order for our relationship to be alive. When we have so many thoughts, concerns, and demands, we build a wall of preoccupation, stress, and inconsequentials around us that shelter us from intimacy. This wall keeps our true self in hiding. It gets harder and harder for our authenticity and our splendor to shine through when such a thick opaque glass surrounds us!
I envision these couples in thick opaque glass cocoons, sitting next to each other, talking and waving, but they can’t hear or really see one another. Never mind touch one another! It is a scary site. We can’t connect with someone we can’t touch… I implore you to shed your protection and let your true self, your authenticity, brilliance, power, enigma, playfulness, sensuality and love shine through! When you are not guarded and protected, when you are not shut down (my clients love this phrase) and you are available to your partner, your relationship can start to feel alive.
Show-up to your relationship and feel your connection!!